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Till death (or Facebook) do us part...

Social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace are great tools when used to stay connected with friends and family. But now, Raleigh, NC attorneys are saying that almost every divorce case they work with involves a spouse's misuse of these sites.  

Lee Rosen, an attorney with Rosen Law Firm in Raleigh, and Alice Stubbs, an attorney with Tharrington Smith LLP in Raleigh, have agreed that a majority of the divorce cases they handle are related to problems with a spouse's behavior on social networking sites.

"It's been really an interesting phenomenon," said Stubbs. "In the last five years, Facebook, MySpace - all the social networking sites have changed the face of domestic law, and we obtain a lot of evidence from social networking." 

One particular problem the attorney's point out is cheating. Users not only flock to sites like Facebook to stay connected with people close to them, but also have the ability to search for old classmates, best friends from long ago, and of course, lost loves. 

A specific instance shared on was the story of a man named "Scott," who chose to remain anonymous in the article. His wife, whom he was married to for 13 years, had cheated on him with a man she met on MySpace. 

"This was a former fiancé, an old flame," said Scott. "They hooked up online, found each other, started communicating, and that relationship started to grow a little bit."

According to Rosen and Stubbs, this type of story is one they hear often in divorce cases. Stubbs has even seen situations where people have left their job, children or the state they live in to be with someone they met on the internet. In most divorce cases, social networking sites are involved in one way or another, such as one or both spouses using the networking tools to find incriminating evidence on the other. 

"All sorts of things go on Facebook," said Rosen. "There's real cheating. There are things that sound like cheating and then there are all sorts of other things like threats, comments that shouldn't have been made. It is a communication device that now has every kind of communication, positive and negative." 

So how do you stop Facebook from destroying your marriage? Rosen, Stubbs and Scott have a few points of advice. They suggest sharing your username and password with your spouse so that “everybody knows exactly what's going on."

While sharing a username and password is fine, Rosen notes that breaking into a spouse's social networking account is illegal. Scott agrees that sharing such information with one another is the way to keep a long-lasting marriage.  

"I'm not advocating that anyone become a snoop, but if that's what you feel you have to do in a marriage relationship, there should be no expectation that everything you do is private, because you have a sacred obligation to your spouse," said Scott. 

Stubbs' advice is to just delete the entire account while going through a divorce to avoid the temptation of posting something that your spouse may be able to use against you.

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RE: One idea
By Myg on 2/12/2011 7:39:19 PM , Rating: 2
Pornography *is* a huge reason for divorce, but more in the fact that it destroys, mainly, the male's ability to fully interact sexually and intimately with their wife and can occur before or during a marriage.

Most likely it will take longer if it happens during the marriage, because their "language" with each-other while making love is already laid down on ground that has not been disturbed by it yet. Also, depending on how dependent and engrossed the male gets into pornography will depend on the rate at which it breaks down the essential communication between husband and wife. If you have a very tolerant wife with lower standards (is used to being used sexually/etc from their early years) they will probably tolerate a lot, but theres a limit to it and there will be a sudden *disconnect* between husband and wife eventually and find its way out through some other crack in the relationship. This can also occur with those "romance novels" (don't know the proper term) for women and their expectations of life with their husband.

This means if you grew up looking at pornography, it could of ruined your chances for a proper marriage *before* you even got married; without you knowing or realizing (also mainly not being warned). Thats the danger of it, it works its way into your life without you realizing what its doing, usually till its too late.

Facebook, while interesting in the fact that it provides a means of outlet for relational stress in such an easy and convienent, way is definetly a breeding ground for those with loose-words and inability to properly commit to their chosen path in life.

Its hard to blame people too much, since they have been brought up and pushed with the ideal of promiscuity as a means of "freedom", so it goes to say that such cultural (yet ironically and grossly untrue) trends are surely just rearing their ugly head up where it finds a means.

But who really knows? There are soo many and too many reasons for these issues, that not a single one can be blamed for the entirety; but it still doesn't detract from the fact that these facets in society are growing at a rate which is *not* sustainable for a social coherency and goes against the founding principles of western society (especially the USA) as a whole.

Other societies have found other ways of quickly dealing with such issues, like stoning, execution, exiling people from social structures. Meanwhile we in the west have prided ourself on making forgiveness a central tenant of our inner workings which also means we need to be more vigilant. Fear of death and exile is a much greater deterrent then a reasoned and logical arguement to the, "masses" who crave and drool for quick and emotional explanations to the workings of life and seem to have no time to allow the deeper connections to settle amongst the masses of information they are digesting.

Critical thinking is a main pillar of personal responsibility, and its found to be suddenly lacking as of late, I wonder why?

RE: One idea
By StuckMojo on 2/13/2011 12:54:28 PM , Rating: 2

"It looks like the iPhone 4 might be their Vista, and I'm okay with that." -- Microsoft COO Kevin Turner

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