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  (Source: Telegraph UK)
Infidelity online is flourishing

The British publication Telegraph quotes a UK law firm as declaring that Facebook is cited in the paperwork in one in five divorces.  The managing director of the firm, Divorce-Online, elaborates, "I had heard from my staff that there were a lot of people saying they had found out things about their partners on Facebook and I decided to see how prevalent it was I was really surprised to see 20 per cent of all the petitions containing references to Facebook.  The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to."

Sometimes partners catch their spouse in the act of sending flirty emails or messages and decide to call it quits.  Some are turning to a growing market of software that helps suspicious husbands or wives track their spouse's online activity.

In other cases the divorce was happening with or without the site, but partners are being shocked to find out online that their partner plans on divorcing them.  Emma Brady, who works as a conference organizer, only found out that her husband was planning on ditching her after he posted a Facebook profile change and she received a status update informing her that "Neil Brady has ended his marriage to Emma Brady."

The lawyers' statements are supported by a recent study by social psychologists at the University of Guelph in Ontario.  In the study, entitled "More Information than You Ever Wanted: Does Facebook Bring Out the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy?", they discovered that Facebook leads to increased suspicion and distrust in relationships.  They also found that users get in a feedback loop where their increased surveillance leads to them discovering suspicious looking activity, which in turn leads to more surveillance.  Some users used the word "addiction" to describe how they felt about their compulsive monitoring of their lovers' pages.

Facebook isn't the only site or service that's involved in marriage problems.  Other social networks like Bebo and MySpace are causing similar problems.  And online games such as Second Life and World of Warcraft are also posing a problem as people try to decide the acceptability of their spouse engaging in a virtual relationship.

Amy Taylor, 28, split up with her husband David Pollard after she found that he was frequenting a Second Life escort.

Another growing trend is infidelity arising from reunion websites.  Sites like Classmates.com and Friends Reunited are helping people get back in contact with old friends -- and sometimes former flames.

There's approximately 105 million Facebook users in the U.S. (about 1 in 3 people has a Facebook account) and MySpace has about 50.2 million regular visitors.  In the UK there's 14 million active social networking users.  Worldwide, there's over 11 million World of Warcraft users and Second Life boasts over 7 million unique users with repeated logins.

Meanwhile, divorce rates have dipped slightly from record highs, currently standing at about 40 percent in the U.S. and the UK.  Marriage rates as a whole, though, have dropped, which may help explain why the divorce rate has also dropped.



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Never understood...
By InvertMe on 12/23/2009 9:51:54 AM , Rating: 5
..why people cheat. If you don't want to be with your current partner grow a pair and just break up. Spare everyone involved all the stupid drama cheating crap.

Sneaking around on FB or whatever social networking site you are using seems so cowardly.




RE: Never understood...
By WoWCow on 12/23/2009 10:09:41 AM , Rating: 5
As an old saying goes...

Spouse doesn't beat mistresses, mistresses doesn't beat hookers, and hookers doesn't beat cheating...

And finally, cheating doesn't beat the person him/herself.

It all goes into a cycle of easing personal insecurity; just ask Spitzer and Woods!


RE: Never understood...
By Fenixgoon on 12/24/2009 1:26:02 AM , Rating: 2
So is this some sort of weird, extra-relationship version of rock/paper/scissors?

And 5 way? MY GOD MAN! :Q:Q:Q


RE: Never understood...
By therealnickdanger on 12/23/2009 10:11:48 AM , Rating: 5
+1,000,000

It's called "growing up". Some people don't like to do that.


RE: Never understood...
By jonmcc33 on 12/23/2009 4:25:50 PM , Rating: 1
You have never been in a disastrous relationship I take it? The problem isn't growing up, it's that people get married for the wrong reasons. Believe it or not, people can change over time as well...they can change into something and someone that you wouldn't want to be married to.

The solution is to get a divorce. I guess to some it's easier and cheaper to cheat. A better solution would be to never get married at all. What benefit does a man gain from marriage? I can't name anything that is worth it.


RE: Never understood...
By Hiawa23 on 12/23/2009 5:00:13 PM , Rating: 2
The solution is to get a divorce. I guess to some it's easier and cheaper to cheat. A better solution would be to never get married at all. What benefit does a man gain from marriage? I can't name anything that is worth it.

I agree, there is absolutely no reason for me to get married. I have a 12 year old daughter, & her mother lives with me, & honestly, there is no way I would marry her with all her issues. I am not religious so I have no issue with her living in my home, she pays bills, & we have everything a marriage has other than the papers, & honestly, that's good enough for me, & my daughter is happy & she knows she has two loving parents, & that's all kids really want, anyways.


RE: Never understood...
By dagamer34 on 12/24/2009 12:09:51 AM , Rating: 2
You do realize after a while that common law marriage will kick in, right??


RE: Never understood...
By TheEinstein on 12/24/2009 12:23:59 AM , Rating: 3
common law is not the standard in all States... in fact some states you really do need to go down to the court house and get a marriage license before you can get married.


RE: Never understood...
By Hiawa23 on 12/24/2009 7:59:49 PM , Rating: 2
what I realize is she moved into my home, my home that I pay the mortgage & the bills for, cause she had my daughter living in a flat, so she came with nothing, she will leave with nothing. I live in Florida & she hasn't been living in my home for 12 years. When I do decide to throw her out there will not be any courts for anything. I helped out a friend, who happens to be the mother of my child, whom I have no intention of marrying. Done deal as far as I am concerned. I did what was best for my child. My responsibility is only to her not her mother.


RE: Never understood...
By LordanSS on 12/24/2009 12:18:42 AM , Rating: 2
Well, not sure where you live and what the laws there are regarding this, but in here (Brazil), living together with a partner for such a long time (12 years perhaps, taking into consideration your daughter), in the eyes of the law is pretty much the same as a common marriage (there are different kinds of marriage regarding possessions, depending of what "contract" you sign your name on in front of the judge)

If eventually the couple decided to split, they'd have to go through all the woes of a 'divorce', regarding who gets what, how much, etc. Some people I know went through such an ordeal, and it's really not nice. =/


RE: Never understood...
By Hiawa23 on 12/27/2009 2:40:54 PM , Rating: 2
If eventually the couple decided to split, they'd have to go through all the woes of a 'divorce', regarding who gets what, how much, etc. Some people I know went through such an ordeal, and it's really not nice. =/

There is no who gets what, here? The only thing she brought to my house is her clothes & my daughters clothes. There is no mix & matching anything, other than what is bought for my child.


RE: Never understood...
By Alexstarfire on 12/23/2009 10:44:47 AM , Rating: 1
It really depends on how you look at things. As a whole I agree with what you are saying, but it's not always that simple. If it's just sex then I don't see much of a problem. It's human nature after all. If however you simply don't love and/or don't want to be around your spouse anymore then I don't understand why people would just intentionally hurt someone like that. You can be totally in love with someone but if your physical needs aren't met then you're probably going to look elsewhere to get that satisfied, that goes for men and women. Is that wrong? That's really up to each individual. I say it's not, but I also know that I wouldn't be ok with my spouse doing that.

I guess that would make me a hypocrite. I've never done such a thing, but I can certainly see how it could make sense.


RE: Never understood...
By therealnickdanger on 12/23/2009 12:33:44 PM , Rating: 3
quote:
If it's just sex then I don't see much of a problem. It's human nature after all...

If it's "just sex" or "human nature", then there should be no reason to be secretive or to lie about it. You should be tell your significant other that you don't want to be in a committed relationship anymore.
quote:
You can be totally in love with someone but if your physical needs aren't met then you're probably going to look elsewhere to get that satisfied, that goes for men and women. Is that wrong?

Yes! If you're "totally in love", then you should already have the desire to work through physical problems of satisfaction.


RE: Never understood...
By jonmcc33 on 12/23/2009 4:28:57 PM , Rating: 2
quote:
If it's "just sex" or "human nature", then there should be no reason to be secretive or to lie about it. You should be tell your significant other that you don't want to be in a committed relationship anymore.


Let's see you tell your partner that you are tired of her and someone else has caught your sexual interest. Most likely you will have things thrown away, sold or burned in the front yard.

That's why they are secretive and lie about it.

quote:
Yes! If you're "totally in love", then you should already have the desire to work through physical problems of satisfaction.


To be human is to make mistakes. Maybe marriage itself is a mistake?


RE: Never understood...
By jconan on 12/27/2009 1:03:18 PM , Rating: 2
then maybe better planning would have helped; put stuff in public storage and then tell wife... problem solved.


RE: Never understood...
By NullSubroutine on 12/23/2009 10:47:36 AM , Rating: 2
I just found out my girlfriend is having another mans baby about 2 days ago now.


RE: Never understood...
By BuckinBottoms on 12/23/2009 10:50:24 AM , Rating: 5
quote:
I just found out my ex- girlfriend is having another mans baby about 2 days ago now.

Hopefully, I just fixed that for you.


RE: Never understood...
By Alexstarfire on 12/23/2009 11:00:20 AM , Rating: 2
Could be a surrogate mother. Probably not, but it's a possibility.


RE: Never understood...
By corduroygt on 12/23/2009 11:06:24 AM , Rating: 3
Or it could be her brother's triplets.


RE: Never understood...
By BuckinBottoms on 12/23/2009 11:08:38 AM , Rating: 3
Its pretty bad either way. The guys girlfriend was fooling around or making serious life decisions outside the couple structure. Either way it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. He got screwed or dominated, take your pick.


RE: Never understood...
By Alexstarfire on 12/23/2009 11:14:48 AM , Rating: 2
Depends on the situation. Neither of us know all the facts.


RE: Never understood...
By BuckinBottoms on 12/23/2009 11:19:36 AM , Rating: 4
Except the guy specifically mentioned that he only found out two days ago and she is having the baby, so apparently the decision is already made for him.


RE: Never understood...
By jconan on 12/27/2009 1:05:58 PM , Rating: 2
was it becuz he wasn't potent so she decided to solve the problem without asking him... that totally violates the family planning rule if they were married not that there is one.


RE: Never understood...
By psychobriggsy on 12/23/2009 1:16:08 PM , Rating: 2
Gotta say dude, I wouldn't be hanging around there. If you're happy to, that's up to you, but don't let her pressure you emotionally into doing something that you don't want to do, and don't have a responsibility to do.

If it happened before you met, then it's early enough for you to get out. At least she didn't cheat I guess. You can be there for her as a friend if you want, as she'll need support for such a big life change, even though it was her decisions that led there.

If it happened after you met, then it's all about cheating, etc. I've read about people who think that it's okay to cheat in the first month of a relationship, before you're "really together". WTF! If she went out and shagged someone after an argument, or similar, then dump her arse.

I'm assuming here, that you're not into poly stuff, which can change the game significantly.

Oh, and get an STD test done as well.


RE: Never understood...
By jonmcc33 on 12/23/2009 4:30:48 PM , Rating: 2
quote:
Oh, and get an STD test done as well.


I concur. And if you pass I would still move on. Don't want to be sleeping with someone that feels it's okay to sleep with other people.


RE: Never understood...
By Regs on 12/23/2009 12:25:25 PM , Rating: 2
welcome to reality kid. Cheatin has always exist but FB made it more public.


RE: Never understood...
By TSS on 12/23/2009 12:54:19 PM , Rating: 2
Cheating, on some level, i can understand. Alpha male, natural thing etc.

Cheating and then putting it up on facebook i have to question. Or just leaving those emails and chat messages lying around. I hate to quote the good ol' days, But in the good ol' days atleast you'd keep your mistress hidden from your wife.

I really can't call putting evidence of infidelity up on the web "sneaking around", especially if it's on a web page your spouse is likely to visit. And your friends. And your spouse's friends.


RE: Never understood...
By jonmcc33 on 12/23/2009 4:31:43 PM , Rating: 2
Facebook does in fact have private messaging. That's not exactly public.


RE: Never understood...
By PitViper007 on 12/24/2009 11:00:06 AM , Rating: 2
I wouldn't call ANYTHING I put up on FB private. I assume ANYTHING I put up there is liable to be seen by someone besides the person I sent it to. Even the "Private" messaging service.


RE: Never understood...
By delphinus100 on 12/24/2009 12:55:16 AM , Rating: 3
Are you familiar with the concept of (trying to) 'Have your cake, and eat it too?'

Cheating isn't always a matter of not wanting to be with your current spouse/significant other. And we only hear about the ones sloppy/stupid enough to get caught.

It's not an excuse, but it's still a fact.


RE: Never understood...
By William Gaatjes on 12/26/2009 5:27:02 PM , Rating: 2
A fact of life blamed on genes by weak people. If your mind has no control you are not human but nothing more then an ape.
This is not much different then religious people who have to cover up women because they cannot control the urges and desires that haunt them. It's no different then a hungry bum with no money to eat but keeps looking into the window of the bakery all day. To eventually break the glass and steal the cake...


RE: Never understood...
By fox12789 on 12/30/2009 9:39:50 AM , Rating: 2
http://www.brand-bar.com
sneaker: airmax 90, 95 etc $35-42 free shiping.
boots: UGG etc $60 free shiping.
Jeans : polo etc $35-49 free shipping
T-shirts : A&f etc $12-18 free shipping.
hoodies: 5ive etc $28-40 free shipping
handbags: Ed hardy etc $35-68 free shipping
Sunglasses: LV etc $17 free shipping
Belts: BOSS etc $15 free shipping
Caps: red bull etc $12-15 free shipping
Watches:rolex etc $80 free shipping
http://www.brand-bar.com


So...
By smackababy on 12/23/2009 10:25:59 AM , Rating: 2
I just made my fiance delete her facebook and have forbidden her from ever returning to a social networking site!

Now we're 20% more likely to made it!




RE: So...
By InvertMe on 12/23/2009 10:34:15 AM , Rating: 3
I have a FB account still but my partner has access to it, my email, cell phone and PC any time she wants. I never text in private, hide my screen when online or do anything shady.

Some people can be faithful and apparently some cannot.

Dang I need to check her facebook account when I get home!

(I kid!)


RE: So...
By JonnyDough on 12/24/2009 6:03:21 AM , Rating: 2
The problem with that is, what if she decides to frame you?


RE: So...
By jonmcc33 on 12/23/2009 4:34:26 PM , Rating: 2
No, now she'll just sleep with someone from her work or maybe the next door neighbor.


By queuetrip on 12/23/2009 10:31:13 AM , Rating: 2
the number of married people in the "adult flirting site" is high in my experience... but then, when you talk to them they don't want to leave the marriage just escape from the daily grind...

but also don't forget the griefer's on the sites such as second life ... they want nothing better than to hurt, distrupt, and inflict Psychological Operations on the person because they are empty themselves... IMAO

the site 'second life' requires communication... so if the spouse is offended by the activity on the site involving their significant other then that marriage is on the rocks already... therefore if the people involved started talking to each other honestly, than that marriage could have been saved...

but then it would require him/her to understand that they are not the only fantasy in his/her life, and that understanding that you are together but want the fantasy f'ing someone else is the problem... so facebook is a 20 percent of the problem counting for 80 percent of the blame...




By Alexstarfire on 12/23/2009 10:56:53 AM , Rating: 2
If people have problems with their spouse having fantasies then they aren't going to have a very successful relationship ever. I might have a fantasy about screwing someone like Lucy Liu, but that doesn't mean I'd do such a thing if I'm in a relationship even if I got the opportunity. I must say that if your spouse is having "inappropriate sexual chats" that's something that needs to be talked about at least. Not a reason to just call it quits. Though I've already conveyed my thoughts on this in my other post.


By killerb255 on 12/23/2009 3:36:37 PM , Rating: 2
Same in my own experiences on said "adult flirting site."

My own hypotheses on why people cheat:

1) Some people see marriage as a "limit to be challenged." Compare this to speeding on the interstate. How many of us actually do 65 MPH on a 65 MPH zone? If we do 70 or 75 and not get caught and get where we want to go a little faster, then what was the deterrent? It's a combination of the "it's not illegal unless you're caught" and the "rush" people get from doing things without getting caught.

...and of course, to many, the best sex is often the riskiest. :)

2) Some people don't want to lose the perks of their marriage (financial, social, or otherwise), but are not satisfied with their sex life. They want to have their cake and eat it too.

3) Some people actually have psychiatric disorders that interfere with their overall judgment. A person with ADHD, for example, may get bored off of having sex with only one partner for life.

4) Some couples have significant differences in their sex drives and never worked out any way of coping with that.

I'm not trying to sell these as any type of justification for cheating, but to fix a problem, one must understand why it happens...


By Reclaimer77 on 12/28/2009 10:03:26 AM , Rating: 2
quote:
3) Some people actually have psychiatric disorders that interfere with their overall judgment. A person with ADHD, for example, may get bored off of having sex with only one partner for life.


Ummmm as someone with ADHD, this one kind of offended me. ADD doesn't work that way, you don't get "bored" of having sex with people. And I would never use ADD as an excuse for cheating, even if I DID work to get me off the hook lol.


Amy Taylor!!!
By chagrinnin on 12/23/2009 10:10:54 AM , Rating: 2
Hey Amy! Amy Taylor from Central High!? It's me Dave Bru...uh, Davey boy from down the street. Remember how we used to sneak out in the middle of the night and go hang out behind the D-Q. Ahhh those were the days. Look me up, I'm on Facebook. :D




RE: Amy Taylor!!!
By Anoxanmore on 12/23/2009 1:36:59 PM , Rating: 2
I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

Teehee :D


RE: Amy Taylor!!!
By JonnyDough on 12/24/2009 6:07:32 AM , Rating: 2
She remembers how it was her car because you were 21, still in H.S. and didn't drive. She also remembers how you stuck your tongue down her throat and made her throw up a little in her mouth a little from the gag reflex. She keeps trying to forget you, why would she add you to her facebook? Banhammer!


Not a shocker..
By StraightCashHomey on 12/23/2009 9:33:13 AM , Rating: 3
I'm sure this number will continue to grow. It's so easy to find ex-girlfriends and any slut from your past days on social networking sites, primarily Facebook.




RE: Not a shocker..
By JonnyDough on 12/24/2009 6:13:12 AM , Rating: 2
Ok...

A. Why are you trying to find women on Facebook that you got with and then never called back? Admit it, you like big brothers kicking your ass. Maybe you just want men to know you exist due to a lack of male attention when you were young...or maybe you got a little too much?

B. Seriously? You remember their names? My memory is just not that good. I suppose it helps if you GET their name too. In my experience sometimes pet names seem to be the norm.


Emma Brady?
By chagrinnin on 12/23/2009 10:05:21 AM , Rating: 2
Emma Brady from Central High!? Hey Em,...It's me, Dave Brukowski. Soooooooo,....you're single again, eh? That issue I had completely cleared up,...sooo,...look me up babe.




RE: Emma Brady?
By JonnyDough on 12/24/2009 6:05:03 AM , Rating: 2
You do realize that you herpes comes and goes, right? :) I'm sure she does. Come on man, be honest about that crap.


Well deserved
By lco45 on 12/28/2009 4:43:24 PM , Rating: 2
Anyone who visits a second-life escort should be dumped for being an utter nerd, if nothing else...

Luke




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